Lo Hametim halleluyah
V’lo kol yirdei dumah
Those who have died, those who have gone to the land of the silent cannot praise God.
These words from the Hallel have always intrigued me because they communicate a profound philosophical insight. Regardless of one’s belief about the after-life, about souls living on or reuniting somewhere, somehow, life belongs to the living. And only the living have the capacity to function, to praise God.
Unfortunately, last November 4 (the third day of Marcheshvan), my life partner of over half a century died suddenly. Those words from the Hallel have taken on a meaning that I never imagined. Regardless how often one witnesses the death of friends and more distant relatives, one never imagines those closest will die, especially when healthy.
My deep grief is expressed in poetry with a central over-riding theme: “where did you go, Anne?” After 57 years of marriage, a 2 year courtship, whether I unconsciously believe in the spiritual connection of our souls, as a good friend maintains, or whether I truly accept the scientific explanation that death is final, in my mind the connection between Anne and me will always exist, a conviction as real as real can be.
The Platters, singing The Great Pretender from 1955 on, speak loud and clear and touch my soul with the line “Pretending that you’re still around.”
The simultaneity of acceptance and pretense summarizes my feelings as we enter 5786. Polar opposites which are gradually integrating.
Shana Tova and let it be a sweet year for all of us and for Kol Yisrael.
