When I’m hosting an event or leading a service, it’s often hard to drop my guard for long-enough to enjoy the experience myself. As the convener, it’s my job to make sure that everyone else is engaged, and my needs are superfluous. So as a rabbi during the “high season” of Elul and Tishrei, my moments of spiritual significance tend to come when I’m least expecting them, and generally during times which are not moments of peak immersion for others in the community.
I was therefore elated this past Sunday, as the clock ticked toward Tishrei, when I had an unexpected “Elul moment” which woke me up and touched my heart. AC member and artist, Amy Tenenouser, and I led a workshop called “Elul Reflections Through Watercolor and Collage.” As usual, I spent the beginning of class making sure that everyone else was immersed in the activity.
Then, I turned on Ishay Ribo on Spotify (< click to listen!), found a quiet spot to sit on the floor, and with twenty-two minutes to spare before I had to leave for a funeral, started playing around with watercolors. In the fire colors of red, orange and yellow, I painted without clear direction over and around the famous Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel quote I had shared earlier with the participants: “Remember that there is meaning beyond absurdity. Know that every deed counts, that every word is power… Above all, remember that you must build your life as if it were a work of art.”
Then, fortuitously, the Ishay Ribo song אחת ולתמיד (< click for lyrics) / Echad U’letamid / Once and Always, came on and the word תמיד (always, eternal) jumped from the computer speakers to my paintbrush and onto the page.
ואני רוצה לעשות רצונך כרצונך באמת ובתמים, אחת ולתמיד
“And I wish to do Your will, as You wish; Really and truly, once and always”’
The fiery watercolors morphed from meaningless strokes into the gentle curves of the Hebrew letters נ (nun) and ר (resh) and became the Hebrew word נר / ner / candle. The drips of water splattering from my paintbrush transformed into tears which may fall but cannot extinguish my נר תמיד / eternal flame. The watery drops add depth and connection between memories, they blur the distinction between my flame and yours, and between now and always – אחת ולתמיד. This Elul, and תמיד/always, “above all, remember that you must build your life as if it were a work of art.”
